bright, blinding, brightness

                     

i feel so beautiful in this picture. 

i feel warm, loving, compassionate and at ease in myself.

 ready to sell you reasonably priced very good quality honey. 

furnishing a new home is filled with excitement

most recently, the excitement has come in the form of New Rugs. 

New Things

Things and Tools to Fill my New Life (1 mile away) North, and a little bit Up Hill.

I flow through the world with the knowledge that i am furnishing a new chapter of my life, that i am delving into something near and also far. when i tell people they are so excited for me. i must be beaming in excitement myself. 

i have been flowing through the many neighborhoods of the east bay. the honey man's oakland montclair area, richmond for good hot, piedmont today for the rug pickup, ashby flea where a rug came from a kind afghani man. god im glad i didnt spend a thousand dollars on a rug today. will get three for three hundred. that feels right. im accumulating the objects that feel right, getting them from the right places.

i love my eclectic life. i love the way things flow in. i loved being Honey Girl. 

it was truly fantastic. and exhausting!

more solo time feels right. there is a shift with the solstice the energy is so intense. it feels so bright and so heavy in me. remember dog summer? this was such a hard time. last year, the solstice party at Ariel's, the serindipitous meeting with Sarah. being so car-less.... it is a time of boiling points i tell myself. 

summer seems hard for me. maybe because there is normally a lot of space for solitude, which has lead to feelings of loneliness in the past. but this summer has been full. so full up to this point. with love and connection and good tidings. 

had plans with will tonight. he was feeling ill. i am now bleeding. the power of a mutual cancel is potent and often perfect. this brightness requires stillness. 7:31 and the sun shines as if it is 4. bright in my room. i have already lived 4 lives today and the seductive light asks me to go forth and do more. that YANG power. And I will. Perhaps unwisely. to buy yet another rug. god damn. but summer is when my patterns of excess are taught to me with intensity, it just must be. where my body, will, or something divine above flows me forward and me grinds me to an a abrupt halt, normally exactly when i need it.

3 weeks of boyfriend's bed. house projects galore for new home. zooming zooming zooming. in my style.

now the pause is at a perfect time before teaching starts. it is the time for me to go home, to spend time with my nanima, and to heal. to have my face look like the moon after all of this. it will eclipse the brightness of the sun. 

i will explain what is around me. i have lamps and light and love. 

i will paint my room in lambskin. 

and i will be very intentional loving and true. i am an intentional solstice baby. i know my patterns and i know how to navigate these changes. 

i love the part of my life where i have done this 5 times at least. broken get better. broken get better. in all honesty this is the happiest summer of my life. the most loved summer of my life. and i am embodying it wholly, beautifully, grandly. 

i love my new hill. all vroom vroom drive as people start their climbs. 

the ocean feels to exposed to me. naked horizon and light beaming down with no where to shade and shelter. take me to the hill. let me see that horizon clothed and decorated. let me clothe and decorate myself, my home, my being. 

so on august 1. i will move into a new home. nestled into that decorated horizon. i will take my hand made mugs to watch the full horizon on indian rock in mornings and nights. i will walk and bike and drive to my boyfriends. i will work at the market. i will be honey and veggie and everything in between. i will have a beautiful job. i will visit my family. i will feel whole. i do feel whole. this is my whole life.