loosening the hold

the outstretched hand - that expands, beckons, and does not hold tightly to anything. receiving and releasing. 

i don't need to go anywhere. i am safe to be here as long as i need. this is my whole home. i expand, i am safe taking up space. i feel no need to hide. 

building and creating from a subtle, slow process of tending to myself, my others, the world. through loving devotion. feeling the readiness of the future, knowing that slow building, care, tending is how to build. to steward. to be grounded in it all. 

centered in the heart, centered in my values, centered in what matters. the smallness can be part of the bigness. incremental. taking the pressure off. recognizing the gentle tuning that moves me forward. 

today is the first day of the rest of my life. here in my creative back room i am truly free. I feel absolutely liberated by the refinement of the work i have put into place. how this room, in its blankness has shifted to be a creative haven, a living room. a place to be truly me. i collage frames, i assemble crafts into tiny shelves, each action i take is a piece of devotion to my higher self. everything i do for my home is an act of love. i feel so safe in here, so nestled, so home. I love it. i sit on this leather pouf, i am at ease in a way i have never been. not full of desire, not full of grasping. my hand is open, the visual i love. 

i feel no need to explain myself. so often i longed to just explain all pieces of me to others. after all this time, i am truly known. nothing else will reveal anything. i simply am. and now i get the beautiful chance to nourish my body in this full knowingness. the knowingness that will be satiated by no other's gaze, no other's listening ear. that is placed in no other's hand. 

this true knowing, this true love for myself is so innate i cannot even grasp it. 

yesterday, lying in his arms, i felt myself expand once again. after shrinking, i brought my full attention to every limb, feeling my body fill up with its delicious and vibrant life force once again. it was beautiful to feel how in touch i am with my true body. how i am able to shape myself again and again into the fullest expression of my energy.

i am proud for my ability to hold a steady gaze. to present and ask a question with unwavering presence. to hold someone accountable. to receive the truth. to refuse to accept what is hidden.

i am incredibly true. i force my way through the world with this loving care and devotion. a wisdom of my few years on this earth. i am so dedicated to this path i am not scared to lose anything. every level of surrender has been reached and i am simply here to prove to myself that i need nothing outside of myself to be whole. i accept my body wholly. i accept every corner of my being. there is nothing that surprises me. only what amuses me.

i know the flavor of my purpose on earth. exaclty how i reach there, i do not know, but knowing the frequency of it will keep me in touch with what is right for me. what contributes to my wholeness. 

i have nothing to prove. i have everything to become. i am so in love with all that i am. and all that i will be. and all that i have been. 

i will soak in salt tonight. cleanse. 

ameen. jah bless.